i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
