Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
