Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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