so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
