You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
