I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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