You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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