This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
