Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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