I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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