my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
