Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
