sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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