the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
