I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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