??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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