First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
