What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
