see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
