He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
