Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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