She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
