Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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