Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
