I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
