so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize