people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I checked into jail on foursquare
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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