I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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