listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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