my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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