My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
