Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
