Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
