i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize