I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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