I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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