So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
