Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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