i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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