I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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