I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
