Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
