If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
