that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
