she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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