Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
