I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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