Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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