she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize