Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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