are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
