some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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