think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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