Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize