I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
