can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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