I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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