Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
