im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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