I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
