Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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