Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize