She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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