i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
