i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
