i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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