So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
