he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
