can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
