community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
