my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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