I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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