Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
