Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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