it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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