i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
