there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
