I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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