Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
