I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize