why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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