You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
