I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I puked a lego.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is my gift to your gina
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
