What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize