I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
