Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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