Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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