Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
two words: eviction party
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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