i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize