No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
