Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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