don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
