I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
