I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
