I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
