i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
