It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
