a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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