Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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