you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
