Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
