i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
