Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
