A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
