I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
