my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
