Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
