i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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