Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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