Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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